waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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