the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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