Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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