Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
