What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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