btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize