can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
