Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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