Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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