I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
