People in love make me want to vomit
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
