So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
