No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
