hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
