At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
