If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
