He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Randomize
