i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
