I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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