Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
