Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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