let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize