the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
