My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize