i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
