I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sarcasm needs its own font
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
