I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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