The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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