I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
