My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
