Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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