mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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