well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Mom said you looked used
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize