Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
