what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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