Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
