Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
