A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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