my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
