I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
