you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
