Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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