Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
