If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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