I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
