girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
