Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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