I think I won the penis lottery.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
