Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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