Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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