i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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