I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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