I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
