Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
