insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had sex on a roof
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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