So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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