I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
