Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
