Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
