Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
