Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
