It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
