My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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