If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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