I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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