From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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