New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
