um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
