soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
