fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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