i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
